Often when we get too close and comfortable with someone, we take each other for granted. Like they said, familiarity breeds contempt.

And when it reaches a tipping point, a resolution is needed and everyone has to swallow the bitter pill - being frank. And if the initial bond was strong enough, a new level of understanding and closeness is reached. Everyone moves on, contented and satisfied.

And sometimes when you're unexpectedly appreciated by the very people whom you care deeply for, it means so much more than an expensive gift. The profound sense of being needed and belonged. And that your existence mattered.

And then everything in life seems so much better.

Whirlpools

I've just finished saving up all my old blog entries over at Blog-city. In case you didn't know, Blog-city had decided to terminate its free hosting of blogs and will only be available to paid bloggers, and all free blogs will be terminated by end of this year. So then I upped and moved over here to Blogspot.

Anyway, I was skimming through those entries as I saved them up, and a whole lot of emotions just washed up over me. I can't believe that it's been almost 4 years that I've started this blog. How my writing has changed over the years, and even how myself has changed over the years. Things I went through, good times and bad; my thought over certain issues and so on.

With my very first post around the time I just finished Form 6, I think I might have came across as rather idealistic. That time I was thinking of going on adventurous treks to study animals. And then once I entered UKM, things changed. My passion for the environment, I think, has decreased slightly. I still plan to help the environment, though my approach now would be studying and understanding it through a different approach.

At that time too, I was just still fresh off from certain issues. I had a lot of anger, and confusion. And being dumped into a new environment of entering into uni probably didn't help much in thawing my slightly cool and bitter self. Then there was the whole thing of me definitively drifting further away from my Form 5 friends, a term I've come to accept now.

And I kinda laughed a little at myself, reading bout when I just embarked on this whole new world of 'debating'. How excited I was when I went for my first Royals in UMS and the subsequent victory. The incredibly good times I had, the the amazing bond and friendship that developed with a bunch of the zaniest people I know. People who would become some of the few friends I'm can claim to be totally comfortable with.

The ironic part would be that today the UKM debate team has just left for this year's Royals at UiTM Shah Alam. It feels a bit strange, and nostalgic, I think. I'm not sure of the exact words to describe what I'm feeling now. Seeing some of my closest friends, whom I've spent a lot of time debating and had fun with. Not to mention who were my teammates for last year's Royals, now attempting the whole thing again. This time without me. And mostly with a sense of relunctance and obligation, as compared to the drive and camaraderie we formerly shared. The whole thing just feels a little, surreal? Sad maybe? To see them go at something that I was once a part of. The kind of feeling you get when you see the juniors take over your post and duties. The feeling of an ...outsider, peering inside through a window of the house you walked out of.

And of course, blogging too allowed me to meet a few incredible people; no mention of names needed. Among them is a person who's come to be someone I've gotten really close with. But overall, I guess that personally for me, a blog is like my own diary of sorts - photos that make me smile fondly, entries that trigger long-forgotten memories and emotions. This blog is a story of my journey.

Short ramble at work

Yesterday was the longest I've stayed in my lab working late. Initially was going to be kinda a busy day till evening, expecting to finish around 5 pm. Unfortunately there was a workshop in the afternoon (which wasn't as boring and quite interesting actually) so around 6 pm went to tapau dinner and went up my lab. Did my work and had dinner and finally left around 9 pm. It was kinda surreal actually, it was pitch black outside the window of my lab. Kinda scary too. The road leading up my lab resembles more to jungle trail and it was really dark, even with the fog lights on.

So with yesterday's sudden burst of dedicatedness on my part, I thought I'd go up to lab a little later today. Unfortunately my lecturer called in the morning just bout 10 minutes before I arrived, thus giving off a bad impression of me as a slacker, never-early dude to office. Which is also quite unfair as my colleague who usually comes much later to me always happen to come early on the days my lecturer calls or just suddenly waltzes in.

Anyway, I'm kinda getting along with my applications and whatnots to for overseas postgrad, thanks to some wonderful tips and support from a few friends. And right now, on a sudden whim, I've decided to go catch a movie and maybe get myself a new pair of shoes to replace my slightly torn ones. So I'm hurrying up my work now and hopefully I can make it in time. 

And oh, just remembered this little bit. According to one of my friends, for all my almost constant expressionless state, the one expression I do best is one of indignance. In fact, she added, I practically ooze indignance almost all the time. I'd appreciate if anyone out there would let me know how true is this.

*Dusts off cobwebs from blog* With that out of the way, here's a short update to show I'm still alive and doing (relatively) well.

Generally, I'm not one who's big on shopping for clothes. I only shop when I need to. Which is mostly the customary one before CNY, and when there's something I need but don't have. And maybe also when there's a sale and I happen to find something I kinda like. But rarely do I actively go shopping.

Succumbing into the societal lure of consumerism and superficiality, I did a little shopping two weeks ago. And I had a friend along with me who doubled as my very own assistant shopper; which was really helpful as I wasn't exactly a favoured of the gods of the fashion pantheon. I got myself a nice semi-checkered brown shirt and a pair of cool Nike walking shoes. This was followed by a push from my said friend to take a step up the social ladder. It wasn't completely unnerving and different than variations of what I've done before, though I do appreciate the effort and sentiment.

And well, that little bit of shopping was the most so far I've spend on a single day for clothes. And now I'm kinda slightly broke and regretful. Ah... the sacrifices we make to look good (or at least trying to). I'm sure all my shopaholic/bimboish/gal-friends are rolling their eyes right now; about time I joined them and fully embrace the glory of malls with their flashy boutiques and what-nots.

Right now, I'm kinda working on a proposal presentation on my research project in preparation for a meeting with some overseas lecturer that will be coming soon. My supervisor's intention is to push me to get a sorta collaboration or co-supervision or twinning programme with them. In the meantime too, I'm still sorting out the whole quagmire of studying overseas, though the maze of application requirements, procedures, funding etc etc. Sigh..nothing is easy in life. But if I want to make something of it, I'll have to work at it.

p/s: In case you were trapped in a bomb shelter last weekend, please click here and here to find out about the biggest thing that happened in our sunny land since maggi goreng mamak.